Last night for Family Night we had a lesson on Pornography. This world is so scary and junk is slipping into children's minds at such a young age that we felt we needed to do this. I was a little nervous thinking that now they know what it is I might hear that they've been introduced to it already. That is not the case, however, every few minutes or so we heard, "one time Camberlyn was in the bath and I saw her without her clothes on" or "one time my friend was playing without his shirt on and I saw the top of his underwear" or "one time..." We started a whole slue of confessions from the boys. I want to show them I'm concerned and I care, but after about the 100th time I finally said, "enough of what has happened in the past- it's done with."
During the lesson we told Jackson that really soon we are going to be having a one-on-one mom and dad time with him to talk about something really important (birds and the bees). I'm not excited and I'm very nervous. I know there are great tips and books out there on how to handle this the best way. Anyone care to share what has worked or what they plan to do? I just don't want him to find out from friends first. Eek. These are the type of situations I dread as a parent, but I can handle this right?
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
A little nervous
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7 comments:
If anyone can handle it, you can.
I'm interested in hearing what others have done as well.
Oh, I dread the talks! I can't believe you're already there! I still think of Jackson as the funny little guy in my sunbeam class! They grow up fast!
Pornography scares me to death. I had 3 friends in college whose lives where really affected by this. One friend first started looking at it at the age of 12 right after his dad died. He struggled all through adolescence and teen years, cleaned up to go on a mission and still struggled after he came home for years. Another ( a room mate of Scott's actually) was so messed up dealing with feelings of guilt he would cut his arms to punish himself. We had to kind of trick him into going to a counselor, scary stuff. From the moment I knew my babies where boys it's been a worry on my mind. I think it's so important to know what they're doing online. They should never have unrestricted computer time without someone knowing everything they look at. Scott's mom said an old lady she knew gave her advice a long time ago when her boys where young to not let them sleep over at any ones house. No sleep overs, period. I think maybe that's going a little far, I haven't decided yet, but I think I'll have to know the parents very well before letting my boys sleep over somewhere. Sometimes kids are introduced to things by adults or older siblings of their friends. It just scares me to death.
That's about all I've got, we're still a little ways away from it, but it's something I really worry about.
Good luck with the "talk", I'm so glad it's you and not me yet! :)
I would love to talk with you about this more in depth.
First of all, I want to comment on what Mindy said - about sleepovers. I have heard from three different bishops that if they could give parents one piece of advice, it would be to not do sleepovers at all. In Conference, one of the speakers mentioned this as well. Many boys are introduced to porn at sleepovers (not to mention are molested as well).
I'm a big believer in open honest sex talks. Have I told you about my talks with Hunter? I'll have to tell you sometime. It was hilarious and wonderful.
This could be a long, long, long post - so I'll just say that I would love to talk in person sometime about this topic.
Love you!
I'm just procrastinating having the "talk" with my oldest. I'm actually kind of looking forward to it though. I know she'll understand and she seems mature enough to handle it. We'll see. I'm still not sure exactly HOW I'm going to do it though, since my parents never really had the "talk" with me, well, until I was engaged anyways, and I already knew by then!
I agree with the no sleepover rule. The kids can sleep over at cousins, but that's probably going to be it. They can just have "stay lates" and I'll go pick them up.
Pornography is very serious. However, I laughed so hard at the confessions from your boys. That's cute. When things come up, I point them out - such as the girl walking down the street w/ barely any clothes on..and so forth. Our best talks are in the car where they are stuck.
We did the "talk" at 9 with Josh and it went well. We were completely candid and he took it in stride - then we went to dinner to celebrate the milestone w/ only Josh. Now it's opened that dialogue and he talks about things that happen or are said at school.
You and Frank will present the topic beautifully.
Frightening! You & Frank are brave parents. I'm glad that we are nowhere near to the point of talking about those big heavy topics. When the time comes, I'll be asking you for pointers! Good luck :)
Our bishop and his wife take their kids, once they reach a certain age-not sure what age that is, out for the night. They try to make it a special thing, also to so they realize that it's an important issue. They take them to a fancy dinner and then they go stay at a hotel and have "the talk" and that way their kids don't feel awkward being near other siblings who might be listening. They feel like they can ask questions without siblings laughing at them or anything. He says that it works really well. I think we'll try that when our kids are ready :) Good luck-if you find some great tips please do share-not an easy subject to bring up.
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